Week of Rest | Extrary is here

Do you sometimes forget how to breathe? Not necessarily because something or someone takes your breath away. Ten years ago—though it feels like in another lifetime—during photoshoots, I would often find myself so focused on the subject that, after capturing the right frame, a desperate gasp for air would follow. As if I were under water for too long. There’s a part of a human brain dedicated to keeping us breathing; it’s so fundamental to survival that we don’t need to think about it. And yet, I would forget.

It still happens. When I work too hard, or when something moves me so deeply that I brace myself against feeling it, I hold my breath. Sometimes, when I brush against some sensitive tissue of my past, my therapist gently reminds me: “You need to breathe, remember?”. I stop breathing in hope that a moment will disappear before its impact reaches me, before its meaning settles in. I stop breathing to survive, even though no one can survive without oxygen.

Fun fact, there’s one organism that doesn’t need oxygen: Henneguya zschokkei. It’s a parasite that afflicts salmon. Please, don’t Google it—it’s disgusting.

Breathing doesn’t require a conscious decision, resting does

I don’t know about you but personally, I’d prefer to have as little in common with a parasite as possible. To live is to inhale and exhale. A pendulum swings both ways; there’s a time for work, effort, and action, and there must also be time for rest, relaxation, and healing.

In the past, I didn’t fully understand that. Who am I kidding? I’m still learning how to rest. Perhaps it’s just me (probably, hopefully), but with all the “how-to” content out there—all those videos with “7 steps to” this or “10 ways to” that—I’ve found my brain clouded with a serious doubt whether I even knew how to rest. Or even worse, I have wondered if I was “maximising” my resting time—as though I were some fucking product, and relaxation were part of its sales funnel. More than once, this thought has left me anxious about resting, which is ironic, isn’t it? Why is it so hard to just let myself be? Why can’t I respect the simple fact that I’m human, not a machine? Machines have limits, and we seem perfectly willing to respect those*. A human is not a 24/7 stream of energy, wit, or productivity. And that’s okay, right? Right?

The week of rest starts today, and it’s filled with spending time with family, being present. Of course, for some, holidays come loaded with stress, expectations, and unmet needs, making it difficult to enjoy the moment. If that resonates with you, take a moment to think about the disgusting parasite that doesn't need oxygen, and find ways to nurture yourself - what truly helps? Even if it seems strange to others, find time to take a break from loaded questions about your lifestyle or useless political debates. For me, restful moments include walking the dog, writing, drawing, reading queer romance novels, or cleaning up after a meal. In Poland, tradition often drives us to do things for the sake of doing them. But I encourage you to rebel, even just a little. Take a half hour out of your holiday schedule to do something purely for yourself.

Next week, we’ll wrap up Extrary with the Week of Reconnection. Breathe in. Breathe out. Rest and relax, my friend.

Thank you for reading.

Wiktoria

*it appears that, collectively, we respect the limitations of machines more than our own. If this idea interests you, feel free to give me a nudge—I’d be happy to explore it further.